I was listening to a few samples off their new album; the 90’c called, they want their music back. This album may have done amazing if it followed their first albums, but for this point in time, musically, its just not cutting it. Someone needs to update their sound.
Seriously?
I have been glued to my email account like it was porn or something lately, but all I get are emails about amazing sales and discounts and special offers (legit ones, not like free Viagra shit). It is so depressing to see all the things I CAN’T buy and it’s even worse to see them on sale. Sigh.
I miss disposable income….I take that back, I miss an income all together.
I had a very odd dream last night about an ex boyfriend. It was weird because I hardly remember dreams and if I do they are about nothing, but this one was specifically about something.
I was visiting Austin and somehow made my way over to his apartment. As in real life we hadn’t seen each other in years and I guess we were trying to be friends or restart things, I didn’t really understand that part of the dream. I remember in the dream he lived in an efficiency which I can relate to real life as well because when I first met him he was living in a shitty efficiency.
I don’t really know how but we ended up in bed together, it wasn’t sexual, we were just talking. I don’t know what we were talking about, I think it was just about our lives or how things had changed or something like that. I remember asking him if he still worked at the same place and he was very reluctant to tell me where he worked or what he did. In the dream he never said what he did but all he said was…”You know that new gay bar downtown _____________ (he named it), well, I…….” and that’s all I remember.
Ok, it eventually got sexual…but all we did was kiss, and that’s when things got weird. We were kissing and he moved but was kind of jerked back at his shoulder. I thought that was odd so for some reason I lifted up his shirt and he had like a pacemaker thing connected to him with all these wires coming out that were connected to something else. It was the weirdest looking thing, like he was hooked up to a machine or something.
I remember in the dream after I saw all wires that I looked around his apartment and it reminded me almost of a really shitty dorm room with a min-fridge in the corner. He tried to explain what was wrong with him but all I remember was the word defibrillator from the dream. I don’t know if he was hooked up to one, or if he needed one or what, but I remember the word. He did say it had something to do with what he already had, whatever that means.
I woke up after that, I’m not reall sure what that dream meant. The only reason I find it interesting is because I havent thought of this person in a really long time. I am kind of worried because with him for some reason I was always able to tell when something was wrong. I don’t know if this is one of those feelings or what to think of all of this, its just weird.
What could this mean? Why can’t I just have sex dreams or fall off a cliff and fly like everyone else. Who fucking dreams about defibrillators and ex boyfriends?
I have tried to cope with all of this very well, unfortunately I’m not the best at coping with bad situations. For the past week I have found myself living a life that is not mine. Well, its more so all in my head than in reality. I fell asleep last night thinking in great detail of what I would be doing if I had the perfect life. I find it’s easier for me to pass time and not want to kill myself because of the depression if I stop living my life and imagine another. It’s either the most insane thing ever, or the most engenius.
I imagined my life if my husband was away for business in Monterrey, Mx. and I was getting ready to meet him there for the weekend. In my head I packed, and cleaned the house before I left, and boarded a private jet (hey it’s my delusional dream and my man is filthy rich in that delusional dream) with my Louis Vuitton luggage, just one medium size carry all cause I was meeting my husband at our home in Monterrey where I had clothes and everything I could need. I pictured myself a young Jacky-O with my big sunglasses and dressed to jet-set to another country (that’s less than three house away).
I’m no gold digger in my delusional dream, I worked at his company doing his marketing (which was a job but nothing too demanding). In my head I even imagined doing the work I had to and wanting to finish up just to go home to the man I loved and cook an amazing dinner for him and we would just be happy to be together. Interestingly enough I fell asleep in reality after I fictitiously had amazing sex with my husband.
I keep doing this with different scenarious just to help me get through the day. I’m fully aware that this can’t be healthy, but it’s helping.
Several months ago I was talking to this guy Mario online, he seemed like a nice guy and for two weeks we were hitting it off nicely. We were talking on the phone all the time, we had gone out to the movies, to coffee, things like that. I was happy just because it was a nice situation and it had potential.
I wasn’t thinking I was going to marry this guy but I was thinking we could move on to dating status. Ya, didn’t happen. He stopped calling me and never responded to my texts so I did what any self respectable person would do, I gave up. I was so exciting about talking to a guy who was meeting all the requirements that I forgot about the second compatibility requirement, top or bottom. I asked around about him to get an idea and the consensus was that he was a bottom, which I am as well. I think more so because of that I let him not calling slide because in the end it wasn’t going to work out.
Just recently he messeged my online and we’ve been chatting back and forth. Mario is really cool because he’s not like some guys who don’t talk, when you ask him to tell you something he does. I love it. Last night we went to the movies and then back to his place to hang out. One of his friends ends up coming over and we’re sitting in his garage drinking and laughing. After about an hour or so his friend (who I really liked) left to go home, which gave Mario and I some time to really talk about things. He is still trying to get over some guy so we talked about that.
The story between them goes: they met online and in ten minutes they were already hooking-up. Mario and the guy end up spending the weekend together and by that week they were already boyfriend. After about a month and a half things weren’t working out with them and they got into a big fight. In an attempt at making up the guy comes over to Mario’s apartment because Mario had already told him he was feeling sick from his stomach. Somehow they end up having sex with the guy comes over to the apartment. Needless to say there was an “accident” and the guy freaked out and broke up with Mario, obviously not only because of that, but there were issues.
«SIDE NOTE: I would NEVER imagine even thinking of having sex with someone if I was having stomach problems…NEVER»
Part of me thinks, Mario what the fuck were you doing not being aware of what was going on and letting an “accident” happen, the other part is saying that that guy shouldn’t have freaked out that way and it was an accident.
I could not believe he was telling me all of this, my face was blank. Essentially he was telling me ”ya I know I stopped talking to you but it’s cause I met this really great guy and we had some problems but we eventually broke up when I shat on his dick.” What was I supposed to say? What kind of a response is there for that kind of situation. I just said I was sorry and drank another beer.
To add insult to injury he keeps mentioning all these guys he’s talking to and showing me their pictures and telling me about them. Seriously, I can be your friend after you stopped talking to me, but give me some time to ease into stories like this.
This is my life.
My story about an unfortunate mishap with a cat started two days ago when I noticed a horribly squashed cat under my brothers truck. My brother was out of town for the week so I did the logical thing of pretending it wasn’t there till he noticed it and decided to throw it away.
I called Terry the other day to tell her about how horrible the cat looked and how it looked like it was decapitated and the tail was separated from the rest of the body. It was funny because at first all I saw was this beautiful orange tail sticking out from under the truck and while I don’t like animals the tail reminded me of Tyler or Dotty or one of Terry and Michelle’s cats. ANYWHO, I bend down to look under the truck expecting to say “awww, what a pretty cat” when I realized its a dead cat and the tail is like 3 feet from the rest of the body.
The plot thickens.
My mom called me to have lunch with her today and as I walked outside I realized that 1) the dead cat was stinking up my drive way, 2) the rain last night moved the dead cat out from underneath the truck. After lunch and a quick trip to Target, my mom drops me off in front of my house and in the process I’m telling her my story about the dead cat. I said the cat was decapitated because it looked like it was, that’s how bad the head was squashed.
About 15 minutes later I get a phone call from her saying “I think I’ve done a bad thing.” A line like that coming from anyone can’t be good news, I was actually worried. She told me that she called my dad to tell him about the cat but the story might not have come out the right way. Apparently in the translation of the story from my Mom to my Dad about the dead cat she made it seem like there was a cat at my doorway with its head cut off.
A little back history, my brother is a cop and there been all these threats to his departments and so my Dad took this dead cat as some kind of death threat. My family is just odd at times, all the time actually.
My Mom calls me back right as I am answering the front door, it’s my Dad coming to inspect the dead cat. My mom tells me that her bad thing, just got worse. She was calling to tell me (a little late) that my Dad was on his way check out this cat situation, but he called the cops and they were coming to investigate this “threat”. OMG, I couldn’t stop laughing, my Mom was laughing too, but she felt bad that this had been blown out of proportion.
I hid in the house cause I was too emberassed, but from a window I saw cop cars and a van and all these people inspecting the freaking dead cat. I am shocked that my story doesnt end with a white chock outline of a cat on my driveway and yellow tape all over my house.
About another 5 min later my mom called me again, normally I’d be annoyed by so many calls but this could only get better. She called to tell me that my brother was PISSED at her for making the cops go over to the house to investigate a cat which was determined to have been run over by my brother. My brother was so upset at my Mom because everyone was calling him and making fun about how they had to send out investigators to determine the cause of death of the cat and just any typical dead cat joke you can think of.
So the moral of the story is….if you run over a cat, throw it away immediately.
I just stumbled upon some girls website for her advertising/design agency in town, she just opened it in August. I look at her stuff and see how shitty it is, I cant realize that anyone would think that’s quality work.
She graduated from UTPA and got a masters at UT, somewhere in that time nobody had the balls to tell her she’s not really a graphic designer. I’d like for her to meet Javier or Santa who can blow her away.
For quite some time now I keep thinking how I really want my own advertising agency, so many people here are passing off bad quality as gods gift to earth and I’m not saying I’m the best, but I’m better, and I have such a passion for this industry that I know I can be successful.
There are several things that are stopping me, 1) I don’t have any money 2) I have this “sales” fear like you couldn’t imagine. I do honestly believe that the Rio Grande Valley is in this weird bubble, yes we are feeling the pinch from the economy but with our proximity to Mexico, its not the same as the rest of the country.
I think I have a good business mind and can relate very well to clients and have all the makings of a successful business, but what’s stopping me? I’m scare (no shit) that I will fail or not make enough money or something. I always pictured myself waiting till I was older to start my own agency here in the Rio Grande Valley. Maybe I am just like all these other delusional people thinking I can go on my own and make money and be happy, when in turn I see their stuff and realize it’s shit.
I’m sitting at my desk staring at my local ADDY, which is an award given in the advertising community. I wanted to shout out and scream when I got the award, I was so happy. I look at it now and think it’s shit, its almost misleading. The funny thing is my diploma (still in its canister) is right next to it, two of the most valuable things from my college career sitting there mocking me.
Someone give me advice or push me or give me the confidence.
The obvious rout would be to get a part time job and work at creating my agency and if it doesn’t work at least I have the income from that part time job. It’s so simple, but why can’t I do it.?
I find out today if I got the job at STC, I applied for the position of Student Activities Specialist. Although this might not advertising or public relations, I would love to have this job, it looks like so much fun and the pay isn’t too bad either.
I really want this job so I can get back on my feet and feel positive about things again. I hardly see my friends or do things because of my new cash-free lifestyle. But it’s not just about the money, I want to feel important again. I want to wake up in the morning and toast my bagel and smear cream cheese on it as I run out the door cause I’m late (as usual).
I really think it would be so much fun to work with college kids that around my age and be involved again in school, I love it.
The good news is that the interview went really well, I was really happy with it, BUT the bad news is not only was I the last person of a full day of interviewing, but also one of many that they interviewed.
Light a candle, pray to whoever, rub somebody’s belly, whatever you have to do, I hope I get this job.
Someone just asked me the other day, “So what are you doing now?” (reffering to my post-work life). I replied “enjoying life,” which in not so many words meant I was unemployeed, depressed, and living off peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches.
I have to admit, the more I sink into this unemployment/poor hole, the more I get noticed by guys. I now understand the loser complex. You know how you see a couple and one is a loser and one is a decent guy? Well, some of these guys now noticing me are guys I’ve talked to forever and now all in a sudden I’m hot shit that I’m a loser.
So this new guy…
It’s this guy that I’ve been talking to for a few months. He’s always been wanting to hook up and in great detail (ok, text-sex) tells me what he wants to do with me. It’s cool, it was all kind of fun and games but I had no intentions of ever meeting him, or following through, but last night things changed. It was halloween night and I was coming home from a bar and hanging out with my friends. This guy calls me and tells me he’s locked out of his house, insinuating for me to invite him over. I don’t know if thats the oldest line in the book or why I fell for it, but I did, and I knew my brother was home.
[Small recap incase you don’t know, I’m living with my brother]
I knew my brother was home so I have no idea why I told him he could come over. I knew something was going to happen between us, and I can’t even use the “I was so drunk” excuse cause I wasn’t. I think I just needed a little excitement in my life and it was kind of a rush knowing my brother was in the next room.
Well, he comes over and I’m laying in bed cause I’m tired and I swear at a drop of a hat this guy was already naked. He works fast apparently. Now, I’m going to make this the least Halequin novel as possible. We ended up messing around and having amazing (but silent) sex. At that point I figured “Fuck it, even if I get caught it was worth it.”
We fell asleep and I woke up around 10am. I was having trouble sleeping because I was so nervous about having him over. My brother and I have never established rules about having people over. I never even imagined the possibility of having anyone over. Around 11am my brother leaves to God knows where and about 10 minutes later Mr. Naked Man and I start things up again.
[It’s killing me not to give details, but seriously, it was hot.]
After very non-silent sex he started to get dressed to leave. We are making awkaward post-sex small talk and in my head I’m thinking how I should get him the fuck out of here now that my brother is gone because that just makes sense. Ya, before that thought had time to process in my head (I blame the slow speed on even better morning sex) I hear my brother pull up in the drive way. “UGH!” Do I freak out? Do I hide this guy? What the fuck do I do. I’m still thinking slow, and now my brother is opening the door to the house.. “THINK FASTER!” I keep telling myself. I decided my brain was useless and was thinking so hard about what to do and the situation I forgot what I was thinking about and just went into the restroom to brush my teeth.
“Did you notice that truck out front,” my brother says from the kitchen.
“Ya, it’s my friends, he’s still here,” was what came out of my mouth. “He’s still here?” I amy as well have just said, the guy who fucked the shit out of me last night spent the night and is still here. I’m so stupid.
My brother just said ok and went into his room to take a shower. Mr. Naked Man left and I slept all day, and with good reason. My day got even better when my mom called me and woke me up at 6:30 to go over cause she had some chicken tamales.
Another month of no job and no money and I’ll be married!
